The Teaching of Ajahn Suchart.
5 April 2024
Q: When I have an expectation and it doesn’t get met then ill-will begins to rise, how can I cut it off right away? I’ve been practising minimizing my expectation but sometimes I fall into the old routine of expecting certain behaviour and then it doesn’t happen and I begin to have ill-will. I just always want to stay focus on sending goodwill and wishing people well.
Any tips on being quicker at stopping this ill-will?
Than Ajahn: Just keep reminding yourself that everything is uncertain. You cannot expect things to always be the way you want them to be. Just recite the word, ‘Anicca, anicca.’ Anicca means impermanence, change or uncertainty. If you can remember this then you won’t expect anything. You just take things as they come. Or just tell yourself that everything is like the weather. Your husband is like the weather, he can be nice some day and he can be really bad some day. Nothing is under your control so don’t expect anything.
Just hope for the best, expect the worst. Then you won’t be disappointed.
Q: In my family, I’m probably the child who has extended beyond the family tradition more so than the other sisters I have so they don’t understand what I’m doing with meditation and studying the teachings of the Buddha so I don’t hear from them often but I still want to maintain good rapport with them because I don’t want them to look at Buddhism in a negative way. So I’ve been sending them updates but I usually don’t get any feedback.
What do you recommend, should I continue to do this effort?
Than Ajahn: You can always send goodwill anytime you want to them but don’t expect anything in return, that’s all. Sometimes you might get good feedback, sometimes you might not get any feedback but it’s not your problem. Your problem is to send goodwill until you find that it’s no longer needed then you can stop. If you find that you are like talking to the wall, not getting any feedback, then maybe they don’t want to have anything to do with you then you just have to accept that fact, that’s all. But you can always send them updates, send them gifts like birthday presents, things like that. Try not to discuss the Buddhism topic with them because it’s something that they might not understand so they might be afraid of you discussing with them. Try to avoid discussing something that they don’t like to listen to, just discuss other things that you can discuss.
Don’t expect anything. They can either maintain good relationship with you or don’t maintain good relationship with you if they don’t want to. This is something that you have to think of as impermanent.
Nothing is permanent.
“Dhamma in English, Apr 29, 2023.”
By Ajahn Suchart Abhijāto
YouTube: Dhamma in English.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi_BnRZmNgECsJGS31F495g
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