The Teaching of Ajahn Suchart.
Question: I’m from New York, and I have two kids. I don’t know how to educate or teach my children because the time has changed. There are a lot of things that are different from the old days. So, in the new world, how do I better educate my kids to become better citizens of the world?
Than Ajahn: Well, you teach them to be honest, not to cheat others, not to lie to others, to be charitable and to be kind to others. These are the golden rules: be kind, be safe, be honest, be polite, not to disturb others from learning, not to destroy properties. These are the rules they teach in schools which I learned from students who came here.
So, just teach them the golden rules: to be kind, to be safe, to protect themselves, to look after themselves, to be honest, to be polite, to not destroy properties and to not disturb others from learning—these are things you can teach the kids. Honesty and being charitable are also very important. So, other things that you should teach your kids are to be charitable and to have kindness. Having kindness is having generosity. When you are kind, you will give, you will help other people.
“Dhamma in English, May 28, 2019.”
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Question from Australia: What is the most important thing to teach your children?
Than Ajahn: Teach them to be good and to be kind. Teach them to be good means teaching them to keep the precepts – not to hurt other people, not to steal things from other people.
Teach them to be kind means teaching them to help other people when other people need help, not to become cold-hearted. So, you mainly teach children to be good and to be kind.
That’s all they need to know for now.
When they grow up, you may be able to teach them more, like teaching them how to become calm, how to become mindful, how to see things as they are instead of what your children think they are. It’s a gradual teaching. You can’t teach everything at the same time.
“Dhamma in English, Feb 27, 2018.”
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Question: I spend a lot of time worrying about my children. You said that I need to take care of myself and those who depend on me. Does this mean that I don’t need to worry about things like my son wanting to use the computer all the time instead of having physical activities? I am such in conflict and I don’t know when I need to let go or when I have to control things?
Than Ajahn: Well, you have to see whether what you give to your kids will hurt them or benefit them. If it hurts them, then you have to stop it. If it benefits them, then you can continue on doing it. So, just use this as your guide. Look at the benefit and the harm that they will get from your giving. If the thing you give them will make them smart, happy, intelligent and have a good life, then you give it to them. If you give it to them in a way that you are spoiling them, then you shouldn’t give it to them.
“Dhamma in English, Jul 11, 2018.”
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Question: I have a 17yo daughter studying at Cambridge now. Although I always remind myself that everything is impermanent, I can’t let go of seeing her not doing what she is supposed to do and what she should do at her age. She doesn’t like to do homework revision. She involves in relationship with her classmate and likes to talk to strangers on social media. I desperately need Ajahn’s advice on how to go forward to live happily again. Should I let my daughter be what she will become and let go of her regardless if she becomes good or bad?
Than Ajahn: All you can do is to teach her what is good and what is bad, whether she will do what you’ve taught her is up to her. That’s all you can do. You cannot act on her behalf. She has to act on her behalf.
What she needs is a good advice which you can give to her. Once you’ve given her the advice, if she doesn’t want to take up your advice, then it’s too bad for her.
There’s nothing you can do. We call it, ‘It’s her kamma.’ Kamma means it’s her pre-direction path to go, the direction she is going which was caused by her past actions (past kamma); she used to be like this (in the past), so she is continuing to be like that now. But she can change it if she finds that this is the wrong path or a bad direction for her, and you can help her by telling her that it’s a wrong path. But you have to be careful. You shouldn’t tell her too much because she can become antagonistic to your advice if you keep saying it to her ears until she finds it unbearable. So, you have to know when to stop giving advice.
When she starts to react negatively, then it’s time for you to stop giving her advice.
“Dhamma in English, May 28, 2019.”
By Ajahn Suchart Abhijāto
YouTube: Dhamma in English.
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