💐 How can a meditator deal with grief over the death of a loved one?

💐 How can a meditator deal with grief over the death of a loved one?

 

Guruji :  A meditator should be very wise and understand the law of nature. 

In spite of all your crying and prayers, there is no possibility that this person will come back. 

You have to accept the fact that this person has gone forever. 

1) Understand that whenever you generate a vibration of sorrow and misery while remembering someone who has passed away, the vibrations will reach wherever this person may be, and will make him or her unhappy. 

No-one wants a near and dear one who has passed away to be unhappy. 

We would certainly like the person to be happy, peaceful and liberated, yet you send vibrations to this person which will make him or her more unhappy. 

You are harming the person whom you want to be happy. 

2) Another harmful aspect is that while you are crying, remembering the near and dear one who has passed away, you are sowing seeds of sankhāras of misery. 

You are becoming miserable and a seed of misery will bring nothing but misery in the future. 

Nature will not differentiate whether you are sowing the seed because of this or that logical reason. 

No, the seed is of misery and it must bring misery. 

After all, what is a seed? 

A seed generates and creates a habit pattern of the mind. 

And now you are supporting the habit pattern of the mind by becoming more miserable, due to this or that reason. 

This habit pattern will bring more misery in the future; so you have started harming yourself and the dear one who is gone. 

3) Third harmful aspect is that this sensation of misery that you are generating by this sankhāra starts permeating the atmosphere around you. 

Everyone else in the family around you will become depressed, because you are generating that type of sensation. 

You have started harming yourself, those around you who are alive, and the dear one who has passed away. 

This action of yours is harmful in three ways. 

🌷 If somebody works wisely and understands the law of nature, then as soon as you remember the one who has passed away, if even slight sorrow starts in the mind, you immediately calm down and start generating vibrations of mettā, love, "May you be happy, wherever you are. May you be happy, may you be peaceful, may you be liberated." 

Your vibrations will reach this being and he or she will feel happy. 

These vibrations are full of happiness, peace, harmony. 

You are generating a sankhāra at that time of harmony and peace. 

This seed will bring fruit to you of peace, harmony and happiness. 

And this vibration will permeate the atmosphere and make it peaceful and harmonious. 

You have started helping all three—the loved one who has died, yourself, and your family—in the proper way, in a Dhamma way.