“You have to know the right amount of what you can do.”

The teachings of Ajahn Suchart

“You have to know the right amount of what you can do.”

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Question (M): My father is in depression and he takes up a lot of my time and energy.

How I can stay with him but at the same time I don’t let him take too much of my energy?

Than Ajahn: There are two things that you have to consider: yourself and your father. You have to know the state of depression that your father is in, and you have to know how much you can help him. If you do more than you can do, you can become frustrated. You have to know how much ability you can do for him. You have to know the right amount of what you can do.

You also have to consider about your father’s condition.

Although you may have the ability to do something for him, he might not be able to accept your help. So, you also have to look at the person you want to help. You have to look at how much you can help him and how much he can accept your help.

Layperson (M): He wants me to help him all the time.

Than Ajahn: Ok, then you have to know how much you can do for him. Tell him that this is the limit you can do. 

Question (M): How can I tell him to stop asking me more than I can do?

Than Ajahn: You cannot ask him to stop asking you but you can stop giving him. Let him ask whatever he wants but you just don’t give him.

Tell him you don’t have the time. You don’t have the means to do so.

Question (M): So, for example, when I stay in Thailand, he called me 3 or 4 times a day. Does it mean that I shouldn’t answer his call?

Than Ajahn: Why not? But if you think that there’s nothing you can do for him, you don’t answer the phone. Because what can you do for him? All he wants is to have somebody to talk to. He might be lonely and he needs someone to talk to. If you have the time to talk to him all the time, it’s good on your part and it’s good for him. You are sacrificing your time. You’re being kind. You are being compassionate. So, it’s up to you on how much you can give.

Youtube: “Dhamma in English, Nov 9, 2018.”

By Ajahn Suchart Abhijāto
www.phrasuchart.com

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