The Teachings of Ajahn Suchart
14 March 2024
“You shouldn’t really cling on or get attached to anything. You have to accept that we all have our own choices.”
My father didn’t want me to ordain, but I still managed to. It really depends on each individual’s merit and past actions. Some parents get upset with their son’s ordination whereas some are happy. It has to do with the parents’ minds and how much merit they have.
If the parents have a lot of merit and understand the concept of it, they’ll be happy for anyone who ordains.
Those parents without merit won’t understand it. When they see their own child ordain, they get really upset.
They wonder why their child doesn’t want to lead a worldly life.
They end up thinking about all sorts of things. It all comes down to each individual’s merit and past actions.
You shouldn’t really cling on or get attached to anything. You have to accept that we all have our own choices. If you need to be involved with someone, you should focus on loving-kindness (mettā), that is, to support one another without overdoing it.
For instance, you may raise and take care of your child, but once he’s grown you have to let him go and live his own life. If you want him to ordain but he doesn’t want to, then you’ll get really upset. You have to accept that it is his decision and business. You have already given him a chance but if he doesn’t want it, then there’s nothing you can do.
It is like giving a sum of money to your child and he doesn’t want it—why would you get upset?
If he doesn’t want it, then that is his business. Whatever he wants to do or wherever he wants to go is his choice.
To let him live his own life is, in fact, a form of mettā—kindness and goodwill. It is better than to force him to do the things that you want, which is not in any way loving nor kind. Instead, it will only turn into resentment. Forcing him to do something would only upset him and may cause quarrels and hatred.
You have to bear in mind that you’re like a steerer.
You’re like a guide who gets your child across from one side of the river to the other. There’s nothing you can do if your child wants to jump off the boat in the middle of the river.
Your duty is to teach your child: what is right and what is wrong. This is so that he can rely on himself.
That’s all you can do. If he chooses to go the right way, then it is his merit. If he doesn’t, then it is his own doing.
No one can control someone else’s mind. We all have to part and die from one another eventually. Once you’re dead, who will be in charge of him? He will need to go on his own no matter what.
By Ajaan Suchart Abhijāto
Youtube: Dhamma in English
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi_BnRZmNgECsJGS31F495g
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