The Teaching of Ajahn Suchart.
Question: What is the best solution for people with family and children to practice well and be fine because we think that with this condition we cannot do it well?
Than Ajahn: Well, if you have a family, then you have to live with them happily by having mettā and compassion, having the 4 brahma-vihāra. You should practice the 4 brahma-vihāra: mettā, karuṇā, muditā, upekkhā. But if you want to practice meditation, then you have to leave the family or you have to wait until your family disappears, then you’d become alone.
Layperson: By that time, I’m going to be very old and I’m afraid that I don’t have the condition to practice.
Than Ajahn: Ok, then you’ll have to run away from your family, like the Buddha did.
Layperson: I become very selfish.
Than Ajahn: It’s not selfish, it’s a matter of self-preservation. Everybody has to preserve oneself. No one can help you. If you want to get rid of birth, ageing, sickness and death, then you have to go and practice alone. If you still cling to your family, then you’ll have to keep coming back to be born again and again.
Most people have to run away if they could not go by consent, they have to go by running away from their family. The Buddha could not go by consent because he knew that if he asked for permission from his father, he wouldn’t get the permission, so he had to run away. But look at the result, if he hadn’t run away, he wouldn’t become a Buddha and there wouldn’t be Buddhism for us to follow. Because he left his family, we have Buddhism now, so it’s not being selfish. It’s actually for the good of mankind. You are giving up a lot, you give up your family which is something that we all love. If you think wisely, then you know that you cannot live with your family if you want to help yourself to be free from this round of rebirth. You have to be alone and you have to have the time to do the practice. So, you either have to wait or if you think you cannot wait, then you have to run away, like the Buddha did.
Layperson: Then, I think I will make my family very disappointed.
Than Ajahn: Just for a few days. They will be disappointed for a few days. Because when you die, they will cry for a few days and afterwards they will forget about it and they’ll go on with their lives.
Question: Am I doing bad kamma?
Than Ajahn: It’s good kamma. To go and be enlightened is good kamma, it’s not bad kamma, and then you can come back and help others to become enlightened. Like the Buddha, once he became enlightened, he came back and helped his family to become enlightened. His father, his mother, his wife, his son were all enlightened afterwards. So, you’re not running away for good. You’re just running away so that you can become enlightened and then you can come back and help other people. It’s like going to hospital to cure your illness. You’re sick so you need to go to the hospital. Once you are well, then you can come back and help other people.
The Buddha helped other people for 45 years.
He only studied for 6 years for his enlightenment. Once he became enlightened, then for the rest of his life, he devoted his life to help other people by teaching Dhamma for 45 years. So, what is selfish about that? Right?
It’s your defilements trying to stop you from going to practise. Whichever way you think, you are always blocked by your defilements—if you stay with your family, you couldn’t go; if you run away, you’re selfish; so, what can you do? Nothing. That’s what the defilements want: you do nothing. They don’t want you to do anything because they don’t want you to destroy the defilements, you see. The defilements will always think of something to block you from going to destroy the defilements. So, you need someone who has destroyed the defilements to tell you how to do it.
To destroy the defilements, you need someone who has already destroyed the defilements to tell you how to do it, like the Buddha and his noble disciples. They will tell you to go and practise, leave your family alone, pretend that you are dead. When you die, what happens to your family? They will continue on living, right? They won’t stop living because you die.
They’ll go on. They’ll find ways to live. So, when you run away to practice, it’s the same thing like death. They’ll be unhappy for a few days and then they’ll forget about you and they will go on with their lives.
“Dhamma in English, May 28, 2019.”
- - - - - - - -
Question: If one has family responsibilities, such as children, how can one have a proper retreat while still having to do his duty to his family? Can these two activities be done together?
Than Ajahn: Well, when you first start, you might not be able to do it completely. You might have to do it partially on your spare time, like on your days off when you’re free from your work and your responsibility, then, use that time to be alone, rather than do the things that you normally used to do on your days off. You will usually go see a movie, go shopping. Cut these activities down and go find a quiet place to meditate. You have to switch your way of finding pleasure. Normally, on your days off, you find pleasure by using your senses to find pleasure, so you want to stop those kinds of pleasure and look for a different kind of pleasure, the pleasure from meditation. You have to start from the free time you have for yourself, and use that for calming the mind, stopping the mind, so that the mind can become peaceful and content.
And once you could do this, then you’ll find that you’ll have more inspiration to find more time to do it and you will start to cut down on those activities that you feel you don’t really have to do with. I think you will find more time as you move along and then you can cut down on desire to acquire things because once you have happiness and contentment, you’ll find that you don’t need much anymore. You don’t need to have so much money. You don’t need to have so many things to make you happy because you’ll find a different way of making yourself happy, then you will reduce your acquisition, your desire for money or things. Subsequently, you can reduce the amount of work that you do. You can gradually reduce your involvement with everything, and then it will allow you to have more time for you to be alone and to practice, to calm your mind.
The Buddha said that the real happiness is a mind that is calm and peaceful—that is real contentment.
Once you can calm your mind, you’ll be happy and content and you don’t need anything. You don’t need to see a movie. You don’t need to go out to a party. You don’t need even to have a wife by that point. You could live as a hermit, or live as a monk.
“Dhamma in English, Dec 15, 2017.”
By Ajahn Suchart Abhijāto
YouTube: Dhamma in English.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi_BnRZmNgECsJGS31F495g
No comments:
Post a Comment