When a monk moves in, so does an inspirational education.
It is not everyday a Buddhist monk from Malaysia moves into your home. But that’s exactly what happened for four days at the end of May when Bhante Sujiva appeared on my porch, suitcase in hand.
How did it happen? It began back in November when my cellphone rang with a number that I did not recognize. Like most people, I usually let those go to voicemail, but this time, I answered. On the other end, the caller asked if I was the person who taught a mindfulness class at Mercyhurst University. After agreeing to that statement, the caller identified herself as a Freda Tepfer, a local social activist and Buddhist.
“Your name was suggested to me as someone who could help me find a place for Bhante Sujiva to teach,” Tepfer said.
Unfortunately, Sujiva would arrive in Erie more than a week after Mercyhurst’s graduation. As much as I would have loved to have him speak to my class, there was no class to be had. Tepfer thanked me and asked if I could give her a call if I could think of any other places where he could speak. She was about to hang up, when she said offhandedly that she also needed a place for him to stay. His vows as a monk do not permit him to stay in the home of a single woman. I said that I had room — but would first need to run it past Katherine and Bennett, my wife and our 10-year old son.
My wife was a little apprehensive. We are a busy family, and she is not known for being quiet or reserved.
The idea of anyone in our home for four days gave her pause, but a Buddhist Monk was something entirely different.
But Bennett’s reaction was so full of excitement and awe.
Katherine knew it would be an experience we would all remember forever. And as a parent, that’s what you hope to give your child. How could we say no?
Before Sujiva arrived, we Googled him. Bhante —a term of respect for Buddhist monks in his language — had been born in Malaysia but now resided at an Italian monastery. He had published several books and helped popularize Vipassana meditation (where one focuses on one’s breath) in Western countries. Sujiva came from a large family, graduated with honors from the University of Malaysia in 1975 with a degree in agricultural science, and started studying Buddhism as a layman.
Sujiva says Buddhism’s study of the mind attracted him to becoming a monk instead of a farmer.
“This was more interesting (than farming) because it has very much to do with your own mind,” he says. “What I experienced in a short period of time at the monastery change my whole outlook on reality and experiences. I said, ‘This is interesting. I can’t stop now.’ I was still having second thoughts, ‘what happens if I don’t become a monk?’ Well, there’s always an opportunity to come back to the world.”
After graduation, Sujiva donned his monk robes and embarked on years of study in his home country. In 1996, he began teaching in Western countries, visiting America several times before meeting Tepfer in 2005 during a retreat in St. Louis.
Tepfer later arranged for him to teach in cities where she lived before she moved to Erie.
“What was and is attractive about Bhante’s teaching is that it is consistent with established Theravada tradition, encourages a practice that is compassionate to the practitioner, and doesn’t add extraneous information that is distracting, Tepfer says.
“Bhante is well-versed in Buddhist scripture and is himself a serious practitioner.
He is easy to communicate with and is culturally aware.”
While she arranged for his talks in Erie, we arranged our home for his visit. Of course we had questions like “What does a monk eat?” and “Does he mind if we watch television?” We were told not to worry since he is very adaptable to what we like to eat and do. All he required was breakfast, lunch and an afternoon snack, since monks do not eat dinner.
Bhante liked cheese, tea, and, much to our surprise, coffee.
I also had a touch of guilt.
Here we were a family living in a house with more bathrooms than people and he’s a religious man who carries his possessions around in a small suitcase.
Hopefully, by offering him housing, it would repay some of that karmic debt.
Soon after his arrival, my son’s friends from the neighborhood knocked on our door. Bennett had peaked their interest when he excitedly told them that “a Bhante” would be visiting. The boys came into the house munching Popsicles and looked at Sujiva like they expected him to shoot lasers out of his hands or float into the air. None of the group spoke as Bennett introduced Bhante. They just kept eating their treats. After a few silent moments, they left, apparently unimpressed with the small Asian monk. Bhante just laughed and returned to his snack.
During his four-day stay, I acted as Sujiva’s “karaka”, a term that means “one who makes things allowable.” It meant driving him to events and making his meals. Tepfer arranged for Sujiva’s teaching engagements.
He spoke to groups at the Unitarian Universalist Church to a Buddhist group; the Glenwood YMCA; the Erie Food Co-op; and Lifeworks, a senior center in downtown Erie. In all, more than 90 people heard his presentations.
While he based his talks on his audience, Bhante’s message always centered on “metta,” a Buddhist term meaning lovingkindness. He stressed that loving yourself is the first step to loving others, even ones who are difficult. Bhante also lead guided meditations in which people scanned their bodies from head to toe to release tension and stress.
“After a few sessions with the different groups in the different places around Erie,” he says, “people seemed very receptive to what I said and I was impressed. They’re also very kind.”
During Sujiva’s free time, I drove him to Presque Isle. He’s interested in nature and has published poetry inspired by the outdoors. Sujiva enjoyed taking pictures of the baby ducks cavorting out by the Perry Monument.
Tepfer also invited Sujiva to walk the McBride Viaduct on East Avenue with her. She is advocating that the closed and deteriorating structure be saved, and hoped his positive energy would help her cause.
“I wanted him to be there for his energy, his understanding to bring witness to it,” Tepfer says.
“I understand his reaction is that everything is impermanent. I also appreciate his compassion for the people who might be impacted by demolishing the viaduct.”
In the evenings, he sat with our family as we engaged in one of our guilty pleasures — watching the television show “Dancing with the Stars.” It was the final episode of the season. We felt kind of embarrassed enjoying the show with such a religious man in the room. Sujiva had never seen it before and probably won’t become a regular viewer.
“To me, it is a bit noisy, I think,” Sujiva says. “But I suppose that’s what a lot of people like and it’s very American. To me, it’s a bit too much. The jumping and the shouting and there was all these twinkling lights going on. I said, ‘Oh my goodness, what is going on?’”
Later that evening, Sujiva made us all laugh, however, when he did a quick two-step dance for us before taking the stairs to his bedroom, and asked to finish watching the episode the next day.
Our son also discovered some surprising facts about our guest. He asked him what his favorite “American thing” was and Bhante responded the rodeo while miming a rider on a bucking bull. He also enjoys American folk music as performed by John Denver and Bob Dylan, and even sang a few lines of a tune.
On the final night of his stay, we asked Sujiva to lead a family meditation. I’ve meditated for a few years but it was new for Katherine and Bennett. One could feel the peace and calm Bhante created in our living room as we focused on our breaths.
Sujiva’s brief visit didn’t attract stadium-sized crowds but it takes just one person adopting his positive, hopeful teachings to create important change.
He says he wants people to consider a more contemplative life. You don’t need to become a monk — or a Buddhist — to create a more meaningful life.
“What they say is, it’s not how long you live but how you live, which is true,” Sujiva says.
As for the Sheridan family, Bhante’s visit didn’t cause earthshaking changes. His impact was subtler; as was his way The experience did offer us a wonderful reminder that peace is accessible within ourselves, as well as the importance of unplugging and slowing down. Our son now likes tea, thanks to Bhante’s example.
We also will never watch “Dancing with the Stars” the same way again. LEL
Bhante Sujiva website: www.bhantesujiva.eu (Italian with English sections)
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