The teachings of Ajahn Suchart

The teachings of Ajahn Suchart

9 June 2023

Question:  Why am I so hard on myself like that of a perfectionist—everything I do has to be perfect. If I fall short, if I’m not the best teacher, if I’m not the best wife, if I’m not the best friend, I end up turning inwards.

Than Ajahn:  Well, knowing why is not really that important. There are many factors and causes—maybe in your past life, you’ve been trained to strive to be perfect; maybe partly due to your nature that you like to be a perfectionist; maybe due to the people around you, the community you live in or the country you live in which can also influence on what you do or who you are. So, it isn’t important to know why. The thing that you would want to know is ‘how can you deal with it? Or how can you do it in such a way that will bring you some peace, harmony and contentment?’ This is the question you would like to ask and get an answer from.

According to Buddhism, you shouldn’t strive to compete with other people or you shouldn’t strive to accomplish things that other people in this world do because they are illusions, they are like shadows. You can never be perfect because everything is constantly changing, everything is on the move and you can never be able to control it all the time. So, to achieve things outside of yourself is the wrong way to go, it can only create stress in your mind. The true goal is to compete with yourself to achieve peace and happiness inside yourself by getting rid of things inside yourself that cause you stress, confusion, anger and sadness.

This is the true goal: to fix yourself—not to fix other people and not to fix other things because whatever thing that you try to fix, it will keep changing. You might be able to fix it today, yet it might break down again tomorrow then you have to fix it again and re-fix it again. And when you cannot fix it anymore, you become frustrated, disappointed and sad. So, the goal is not to achieve whatever thing there is to achieve in this world like fame or wealth, because everything is constantly moving—everything is constantly changing and everything constantly breaks-down. The goal is to stop this desire to achieve for something, Really!

If you can stop this desire to achieve for something, your mind will become peaceful, content and happy. So, try not to prove to other people that you are good, that you are great or that you can do this and that; because to them, it doesn’t matter what you are or what you do—what matter to them is what makes them happy. And you can never make other people happy all the time because their moods keep changing—you might make them happy today, but tomorrow, they might be unhappy with you.

So, the Buddha said that you have to come back inside and forget about things outside of yourself. Right now, inside your mind is constantly boiling due to the continuing desire to achieve, to be loved, to be respected, and so forth. But you cannot make people respect you or love you all the time—some people might respect you; some people might hate you. So, this is not the goal to go after because it will make you frustrated, it will make you unhappy and confused about what to do next and you’d think, ‘What should I do now to make this person happy or to make the situation good?’ 

So, this is not the thing that you should strive for. What you should strive for is peace of mind because peace of mind is the real happiness.

"Dhamma in English, Oct 31, 2018."

By Ajahn Suchart Abhijāto
www.phrasuchart.com

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