Traumatised by being spat at!

Traumatised by being spat at!

I pressed for the lift to go down to Level 1. 

When the lift doors opened, I saw a man in a wheelchair. I declined to go in and waited for another lift to arrive.

When I subsequently walked past the same man in his wheelchair, he spat at me! I felt both disgusted and terrified by his behaviour. 

The emotions were probably reflected on my face.

I became very anxious whenever I walked through the void deck henceforth. Another time, I spotted him at a distance. He glared at me and spat on the floor! I felt traumatised.

I decided to attend the 3-day mindfulness retreat on trauma in October, and consulted one of the trainers on the incident. I was advised to do an act of kindness when I next meet him. 

At first, I felt uncomfortable with the suggestion. My thought was, "What! - be kind to him?" I wanted to hear about a strategy to stand up to him or report to the police. Instead I was encouraged to befriend him and even be kind to him! This approach is not conventional.

I did not see him for about two weeks following the retreat. Then one afternoon, I saw him sitting in his wheelchair, next to his friend, in the nearby coffee shop.

Instantly, I contemplated if I should buy some apples and give them to him in the coffee shop in the public's view or to wait for another day when he would be sitting alone in the void deck.

A thought came into my mind, "This is the best time to do it as he has never spat on me in front of the public before".

I quickly headed to a nearby fruit store and bought 2 bags of 6 largest apples. I then mustered my courage and walked up to the man in the wheelchair and handed a bag of 6 apples. He didn't look pleased when he first saw me. The angry face of the man suddenly became relaxed. He looked even more pleased and smiled when I passed him the second bag of apples to be passed to his friend, who happened to have walked away.

Indeed, the act in kindness to my perpetrator by offering him a bag of fruits worked like a miracle!

 I was surprised to see the same man in the wheelchair again the next day. 

He was on his way to take the lift. I hesitated whether to take the same lift with him. My heart was racing. 

Then I noticed his friends could be joining him too.

A thought came then came into my mind, "If I would join him in the same lift, my issue with him could be further resolved as it was my unwillingness to be in the same lift as him in the first place that provoked his aggressive behaviour towards me".

So I quickened my pace to join him to take the same lift. I then took a silent deep breath mindfully and greeted him gently, "Good evening Uncle."  I suddenly realised that he knew I was behind him all along as he could see me from his motorised wheelchair wing mirror. I thought, "Goodness, I am glad I didn't slow down or walked away to avoid him".

In an aloof tone, he spoke loudly, "Thank you for your apples!" 

I replied, "Hope you liked them".  "Of course!" He asserted.

Inside the lift, he bellowed, "Which level?"  I swiftly revealed the level I was going to. I felt uneasy revealing the information even though I believed he knew all along which level I live on. 

Looking at the lit buttons on the lift panel, all his friends were living above my level too.

He then turned to one of his friends to continue asserting his opinions about something relentlessly. All of us listened quietly and none dared to highlight to him that he was not wearing a mask.

To me, that was not important. What's important is that I'm glad I took the lift with him and I'm grateful I have gotten over the anxiety of meeting him and the fear of being spat on again by him. 

I now know kindness is the best way to overcome my fear of people I am not comfortable with. 

The above was an account from a mindfulness student who agreed for her story to be shared as she is grateful how she overcame her anxiety.