The Teaching of Ajahn Suchart.
10 October 2024
Question: Ajahn mentioned that we should practise mettā when we are with people, and not just radiating it in the imaginary situation.
Than Ajahn: That’s right. You have to do it in real time when you meet people.
Question: Is mettā also one of the objects of meditation?
Than Ahan: Yes. When you have mettā, your mind is calm. When you are angry, your mind is not calm.
But mettā doesn’t bring you to jhana. Mettā will keep your mind normal instead of getting it all heat up or angry. When you have mettā, you will forgive people who make you angry, then your anger will disappear and you will remain calm and happy. Have you heard of the ten benefits you get from having mettā?
Question: Yes, but I felt that the benefits are not scientifically proven, for e.g. someone can’t be poisoned if the person has mettā.
Than Ajahn: If you don’t hurt other people, then nobody would want to hurt you. If you hurt someone, the person might retaliate and hurt you. If you make someone angry or do something that make the person hates you, then the person might try to poison you or assassinate you. But if you give the person gifts every day, not only at Christmas, I guarantee you that the person won’t assassinate you, the person will protect you.
Would anyone want to assassinate Santa Claus? Santa Claus is the embodiment of mettā. Everybody loves Santa Claus! That’s why the Buddha said that one of the benefits of having mettā is being loved by everybody, both human and non-human. Even the dogs would love you if you are nice to them. So be nice.
Mettā means to be nice and to be kind to people and animals.
Question: I understand that when someone has mettā, even though it’s an accident, the person won’t die of poison.
Than Ajahn: No. You might die if it’s an accident. If it didn’t happen intentionally, you can still die from it.
For example, you might die in an automobile crash because that is unavoidable. But as far as being killed by someone who has intention to kill you is concerned, it won’t happen.
Because you are a Santa Claus! Once you are a Santa Claus you are safe!
Question: You’ve cleared up my misunderstanding. I thought if the person accidentally eats poisonous food, he won’t die if he has mettā. So, death by accident is different from being intentionally killed by other people.
Than Ajahn: Yes.
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Question: I liked your comment—everyone loves Santa Claus.
Than Ajahn: Santa Claus is the embodiment of mettā.
Someone who gives and never takes. That’s what mettā means, to give and not to take.
Only gives to make people happy. Can you do that?
Can you always be like Santa Claus, not just at Christmas?
Question: I am trying to practice mettā more when I have an opportunity. I try to use mettā when someone is criticizing me. I convince myself it’s ok, criticism is part of life.
Don’t judge them, may be they have their reasons.
Than Ajahn: Good. Try not to react with anger when people are criticizing you or bad to you. Say that this is a gift from you to them. You are allowing them to be mad at you. This is a gift. Being angry is what makes them happy right? Ok, so let them do it. You want to make people happy right? And if what makes them happy is to criticize you, then ok let them do it!
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Question: Regarding the 4 Brahmavihāra, are the other 3 characteristics of Brahmavihāra (i.e. mettā, karuṇā, muditā) the factors that we need to support us to gain upekkha?
Than Ajahn: No. Mettā, karuṇā, muditā are for you to treat other people with. And you need upekkhā to treat yourself with. When things become overbearing, like when you try to help other people but they don’t appreciate it or if you find that you cannot help them, then you become sad or disappointed, then you need to have upekkhā to support your mind not to become sad or disappointed.
You need to have upekkhā to support your mind to be able to accept the fact that sometimes people cannot be helped, and you have to leave them alone, leave them with their own kamma.
There is a saying that mettā and compassion support the world, and upekkhā supports the one who has mettā and compassion. Without upekkhā, you can become overburdened by you trying to help other people. With upekkhā, you know the limit on how much you can help.
Once you reach that limit, you stop.
You don’t overtaxed yourself trying to help other people beyond your limit.
You need to have upekkhā, and say, ‘That’s all I can do’.
You also have to learn to say ‘no’. By saying ‘no’ to people doesn’t mean that you don’t have mettā and compassion towards other people. It’s just a fact that it is the limit of what you can do. Like when you have a car, and 10 people would want to get into the car, so you have to say ‘no’. That’s what upekkhā means. You have to stop when you know that you can’t do anything beyond your limit. If you try to do more than what you can do, it will hurt you. That’s why you have to practise mindfulness and meditation in order to have upekkhā.
Once you have upekkha, then the other 3 will come automatically, they will come from a mind that is peaceful and calm.
A peaceful mind is a happy mind, a Santa Claus mind. Get it?
Question: Yes, I understand. The other 3 will come once upekkhā is established in the mind.
Than Ajahn: Then, you can manage them. You only do according to what you can do. Once it goes beyond that limit, then you have to stop.
Question: So, it’s about having moderation, am I right?
Than Ajahn: Yes, moderation. Middle way is moderation, not too much, not too little. The way of upekkhā is the middle way. Some people thought upekkhā means not doing anything—that’s not what upekkhā means.
Upekkhā means you do according to what you think you can do, do it to a certain level. Once you have reached that level, you have to stop because it’s going to hurt you if you try to do more than what you can do.
Layperson: It’s very insightful, Than Ajahn. Thank you very much for clarifying that.
“Dhamma in English, Oct 19, 2021.”
By Ajahn Suchart Abhijāto
YouTube: Dhamma in English.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi_BnRZmNgECsJGS31F495g
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