Sex
Buddhism recognizes the sex attraction as a universal reality.
Among animals the sex impulse is regulated by nature and thus their mating and breeding are seasonal.
Among humans there is no such natural mechanism, and man has by a long process of experiment and adjustment arrived at certain taboos, rules and regulations to handle his sex drive in a manner appropriate to himself and his fellow beings. Though these rules differ according to times and place, on the whole they have helped man to emerge from savagery to civilization.
According to Buddhism monogamy is the ideal form of marriage, while chastity and fidelity form ideal behavior before marriage. This alone is not sufficient for success in married life. Mutual confidence (saddha), morality (sila), self-denial (caga) and prudence (pañña) are emphasized as virtues which ensure conjugal happiness and success. In other words, mutual confidence means dependability, morality implies strength of character, self-denial or the joy of selfless service to the beloved denotes emotional maturity, and prudence shows intellectual maturity. These qualities bring the spouses so close to one another, it is said, that the relationship could persist even after death in a future existence. Nakula's parents are portrayed in Buddhist literature as an ideal couple who, in their old age, expressed the wish that their love should survive death. The Buddha replied that the wish would materialize if the above qualities are equally shared by both partners (A. II, 61-61).
Marital bonds of modern man are so brittle and fragile because these cohesive emotional forces are lost in sensuality. Much emphasis is laid on carnal pleasure while personality adjustments and emotional involvement which call for sacrifices and selflessness respectively, are ignored or neglected. Though sex is an important basic requirement in marriage, it is certainly not the be-all and end-all of family life.
Indulgence in sex for its own sake never brings satisfaction, whence fulfillment? The insatiability of lust is disdainfully illustrated in Buddhist literature by the traditional simile of a dog licking a bone to satisfy hunger. But sex as an expression of conjugal love is a satisfying emotional experience. If sex was the only concern, man need not have evolved an institution like the family. Animals too satisfy their sex instinct, but nothing compared to the human family has evolved in the animal kingdom. The important function of family life seems to be to teach man a great moral lesson to overcome his egocentric nature. Man starts life in his mother's womb as the most selfish parasite. He then passes through the emotional stages of self-love, conjugal love and parental love.
As a mature man and a parent he completely loses himself in the service of his offspring. His self-denial is such he even relinquishes his personal possessions, acquired through the toil of a lifetime, in favor of them. Finally he makes an emotional self- sacrifice when he gets a partner for his child to love and cherish. In his old age he regards his offspring with equanimity and contentment. This emotional maturity and fulfillment is utterly impossible if sensuality is regarded as the goal of married life.
From: -- One Foot in the World
Buddhist Approaches to Present-day Problems
by Lily de Silva
The Wheel Publication No. 337/338
(Kandy: Buddhist Publication Society, 1986).
For free distribution
Thanks Claudia
Note; Marriage is not Buddhist, but sectarian. There isn't a marriage concept in Buddhism. Perhaps in different more modern times and cultures, marriage is encouraged, but not a teaching of the Buddha. All the Buddha taught was that sexual relations be consensual and non-harming - physically, mentally or emotionally. In Buddhist countries, marriages are performed by a civic official, and perhaps blessed by a monk or nun. Even here, monks or nuns don't perform marriages, but have to get special licensing to do so, whereas in the Abrahamic religions the cleric can perform them as it is a tenet of the faith.
Thanks Bhikkhuni Tịnh Quang
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