The Teaching of Ajahn Suchart

The Teaching of Ajahn Suchart

Question:  How do we think about spiritual friendships in the present world today?

Than Ajahn:  Spiritual friendship really refers to your spiritual teacher as your real friend.  Your teacher is the one who knows about the spiritual path. So anybody, whether he is a monk or a lay person, if he can lead you on a spiritual path especially the Noble Eightfold Path, then he is your good spiritual friend. The person who can teach you about the path, who is able to help you clear your questions is considered to be your good spiritual friend. So for us, the Buddha is our first good spiritual friend; his noble disciples are the second good spiritual friends. If you cannot find the Buddha or the noble disciples, then you have to depend on the Dhamma teachings as your spiritual friend.

“Dhamma in English, Jan 5, 2021.”

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Question:   Ajahn teaches that there is no form of friendship and ideally you have to be alone because you want to concentrate all your time and efforts in developing mindfulness. What is the context of Ajahn’s teaching?

Than Ajahn:  Friendship in Buddhist practice doesn’t mean that you hang out with somebody. Friendship in Buddhism means that you have someone to guide you in your practice. That’s the best friendship. If you have a Buddha or teacher as your friend, you don’t hang around with the Buddha or teacher all the time. 

You hang around with him when you need his guidance. When you need his guidance then you go to your teacher or the Buddha and once you’ve received the guidance, you have to go and live alone to develop that knowledge that is given from your teacher. So, the friendship in Buddhist practice is not a friendship in a worldly way. People cannot compare them likewise. In the world when you have friends, you hang around with them, you do things with them all the time, you eat and sleep with them. This is not the kind of friendship we talk about in Buddhism.

The kind of friendship in Buddhism, kalyanamitta, means to have a good person as your friend, someone who is wiser and smarter than you, to help you, to teach you to practise and to become enlightened. It doesn’t mean that you have to live with your teacher all the time. You only come close to your teacher when he needs to give you the instructions. Once he has given you the instruction, he will instruct you to go and live alone in the forest to develop what he has taught you.

Question: How about peers?

Than Ajahn: You have to understand that it is a different kind of friendship. The friendship in Buddhism that we talk about is to have someone to guide you but not someone who sticks with you and goes everywhere together, because in order to be enlightened you have to be alone. 

Look at Venerable Ananda. He had lived with the Buddha for over 20 years and he never became enlightened. But after the Buddha died, three months later he became enlightened. That’s because he was alone. So, that’s the kind of friendship in Buddhism.

“Dhamma in English, Jun 14, 2016.”

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“If you are a real practitioner, your best friend is yourself. You want to live by yourself to be your own refuge. If you need to have a friend, it has to be a reason, like your teacher or a person who can help you in your practice. If you still cannot do it by yourself, you need someone to guide you then you need that person, but eventually once you know what to do, you have to come back to being alone. Don’t let the defilement use it as an excuse like seeking company because you are lonely.”

“Dhamma in English, Nov 5, 2015.”

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“Kalayanamitta, having a mentor or an admirable friend, is very important with regards to the practice. If we lack the wisdom to motivate ourselves, we should have a mentor. The best mentor or friend is a Kruba Ajaan (a meditation teacher) who has practised correctly. The practice of meditation is complex with many obstacles and traps. Without the help of a mentor who has gone through it, almost everyone will be caught in a trap. 

Those making merit will be stuck in merit making. Those observing and maintaining the precepts will be stuck on the level of keeping precepts. Those sitting in samādhi (tranquillity meditation only) will be stuck and trapped in samādhi. Every step of the way, there are traps for us to get caught and stuck in.” 

“Dhamma for the Asking, Jun 30, 2013.”

By Ajahn Suchart Abhijāto

www.phrasuchart.com

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