“The Buddha said: 'Choose your company wisely. Be with someone who is wiser or more skillful…'
If you can’t even save yourself, how can you save others? If you don’t know how to swim yourself, how can you help others? You first have to learn how to swim yourself. Once you know how to swim, then you can teach others. Others will have faith in you when you've learnt how.
Take the Buddha for example. Once he became enlightened, his father as well as many others started having faith in him. They invited him to teach in the palace and soon enough they all became enlightened themselves.
If the Buddha were to remain in the palace, he wouldn’t have become enlightened. So he went ahead and set an example to prove that it was worthwhile, and then came all the faith and devotees. It is easy to let things happen on their own, that is, naturally. It is much easier than trying to make things happen. It can be very trying to do so as they might be beyond your ability.
It is better to accept that no one has the same amount of merit (puñña) and bad deeds (pāpa) as anyone else. No two people have accumulated the same amount of merit and perfections (pāramı) or have given to the same extent. One person may want to make merit while the other may not. One may enjoy eating and drinking while the other may not. This is due to differences in the cultivation of merit and perfections.
It is just that two people happen to meet and there’s a reason for them to be together, and so they stay together. This is not to say that they should go their separate ways. But whenever they have a chance to do their own thing, then they should. It's good if the other person wants to come along, but it's alright as well if they don't. They have to do it themselves in the end anyway. You can’t eat for them. They have to feed themselves and so do you. When you’re eating and if they don’t feel like it, can you force them to? There’s nothing you can do.
It is the same with meditation practice. It is something that each individual has to do on their own. No one can do it for anyone else. But you can set an example so that it motivates and encourages others.
For example, if you happen to be with someone who is very determined, then their determination will also rub off on you. Like I’ve told you before, I thought that I was already very determined when I was living and practising on my own. But when I was living with others, who were even more determined, I realised that I was still not that committed, which made me even more persistent. But if you happened to be with someone, who is less determined, they would pull you down.
The Buddha said: 'Choose your company wisely. Be with someone who is wiser or more skillful. Or choose those at the same level as you. Don’t choose those who are less wise or virtuous. It is better to be alone if you can’t find someone who is wiser or more skillful. Don’t be with those who are less virtuous as they will pull you down and make you worse off.'
To choose companions for Dhamma practice or spiritual friends (kalyāṇamitta), you have to choose those who are more skilful and better than you. That way they can help and support you, just as all the Buddha’s disciples chose the Buddha himself. They weren’t let down by their choice.
By Ajaan Suchart Abhijāto
Youtube: Dhamma in English
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