Extracted from Ajahn Brahm’s book “Don't Worry, Be Grumpy”

Extracted from Ajahn Brahm’s book “Don't Worry, Be Grumpy”

My Christian friends at Cambridge told me that they were about to do some volunteer work at the local hospital for those with mental disabilities. As a Buddhist, I thought that I should volunteer too - to "keep up with the Joneses" as they say. So my reason for going was nothing more than religious pride.

Every Thursday afternoon, we would catch the bus from Cambridge to Fulbourn Hospital to help in the occupational therapy department for those institutionalized with Down's syndrome. My Christian friends stopped going after a few weeks, but I carried on for two years. Even though my studies in theoretical physics took up most of my spare time (after my busy social life, which took priority of course), I never missed the chance to go to visit my friends with Down's syndrome. I truly enjoyed every Thursday afternoon.

What surprised me was how emotionally intelligent they were. If I arrived tired after last night's party, or depressed after breaking up with a girlfriend, they would pick it up straight away. They would give me a hug and a sincere smile that would melt me. Their hearts were open and uncomplicated, not like mine !

It was awkward for me, as a heterosexual in the early seventies, being embraced in public by another man so affectionately. But the innocent joy that I saw all over my friend's face while hugging me taught me to relax and enjoy it too. Life was uncomplicated at Fulbourn Hospital, among people who understood the emotional world so well. It was so different from studying in Cambridge University among those who were experts in everything except their own feelings.

I was so experienced after two years at Fulborn Hospital that one Thursday the head of the OT department assigned me to one group all by myself for the first part of the afternoon and another group for the second part of the afternoon, again by myself. I never suspected a thing. Those friends with Down's syndrome sure could keep a secret.

As I was about to leave, the real OT staff, the ones who were paid, called me into the big room. There stood all my friends with Down's syndrome grinning like their faces would split, together with the staff. They were to make a presentation to me as the longest volunteering student that they had ever had.

While I had been working with one group, the other group and the staff were busy making presents for me. Now they were to make the presentation.

The gifts were not refined enough to sell in any shop, but they made me cry. By now, I had learned from my Down's syndrome teachers how to let the tears flow in public. It was delightful. The head of the OT department said she had realized that my final examinations were to begin next week and that this would be my last day, hence the wonderful ceremony of gratitude. I replied through my tears that, actually, my exams did not start for another ten days. "May I come back next week, please?" They kindly allowed me an extra week.

Looking back, I learned most of what is now called "emotional intelligence" from those friends with Down's syndrome. To this day, I regard them as the experts, my teachers.

~ Extracted from Ajahn Brahm’s book “Don't Worry, Be Grumpy”